Emotions, they’re perhaps the most disloyal aspect of life. Sometimes, they’re happy, sometimes they’re melancholic and sometimes you just are unable to express them. I went through this about 6 months ago when I lost my loved one. I was so broken from inside that emotions of sorrow surged within me like a river finding its course. Spontaneously, I became a sculptor of verses, molding my innermost sentiments into the delicate architecture of a poem. And, in the aftermath of the creation, I discovered a subtle transformation. Here’s what I wrote:
You aren’t here but yet the sun rises well,does my sun rise,though?
your memories flood my heart with nostalgia and my tears fill my eyes well,are my tears the echos of your reflection, though?
when I close my eyes all I see is you well, is reality dancing in a waltz of illusion, though?
Now when I reflect back, only one thought comes to my head, how did I suddenly become so deep? Well, I guess when troubled times approach the hidden poet resting in every soul comes out. I began my poem with a simple line,‘’ you aren’t here but yet the sun rises, well does my sun rise though’’ I cannot even imagine how broken I must be when I wrote this. The opening establishes dissonance between my external and internal world. The sun rising was just a mere metaphor used to cover up the grief I was grappling with, but the rhetorical question suggested my life would be stagnant or dark without my loved one.
In the second stanza, nostalgia crept over me at that moment. ‘’your memories flood my heart with nostalgia and my tears fill my eyes well, are my tears the echoes of your reflection, though?’’ Is nostalgia a double edged sword, sometimes it provides comfort while making you cherish a moment in your head but sometimes it makes the pain of not being in that moment anymore stronger. I described tears as ‘’reflection of your echoes’’. At the time, I definitely felt that emotions did not provide solace in fact they amplified the pain of loss. Perhaps, I was hoping for healing but I received an unending series of echoes which screamt loss.
In the last and final stanza, I tend to capture the instability of perception during grief. The constant pressure of my loved one in my head contrasted sharply with them not physically being there for me. When I asked myself the question, ‘’is reality dancing in the waltz of illusion’’ I can literally imagine how distorted my sense of reality was while writing this short poem.
My emotional equilibrium truly was shaken but I definitely understood one thing which is that emotions are not loyal to rational thinking of the world, they weave a tapestry of thoughts that are fostered in your heart. These thoughts are then entangled with one’s mania. Emotions might not be loyal to you but they’re definitely a part of the healing process, a very huge part. They guide us through the labyrinth of confusing questions we encounter eventually leading us to the pathway of acceptance and faith in yourself.
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